End Of Season Adress

Fellow mebers, ¿
As sum of you are maybee aware my wyfe elsy usually does my tiping. But as usual for the end of season adress I aM going to tipe this miself.,.*^`{
I wud like to tank all our slaff at the “Cuberland Tex Srvicmens Klub for a highly sucksesfool treason this tyme around, wee have now morethan 600··# mebers and a fare few of them are laffable

and all rouwnd nice people ¡
We had a an End of seasons barbeque on toosday !!which was well attended and we haD turns on.A very poor comelian who i have forgotten and a Vetrilicwist called roger de corset and Wooky bear. ==I think that mabee he was drUnk cos the bare was slerring his words and made jokes about my wife´s goat ++ ..She wasnt best fleased to say the leased and she didn´t lick the stripper either. We all lik a laff and a coke but he went over the toop.I wod lik to tank Edith MerYDITH for making the buffy it was luvly´&%%” and i enjoyed the sausage scrolls and my wife liked the sherry rifle. Our stewart Nigel made a speech that was well percieved, - what a prick
ly response though when he mentioned the probleM with the doorman – we havent got won.”·€@ and in it he tanked the comity for all there effort, and there weedy response to the ?¿crisis wen the club was in rouble. ·$%&¬€
it´s with a minge of sadness However thAt I speek now though, for me, personelly, as my wyfe Elsy recently had a wild stroke, and one of my pigeons was salvaged by a dog. )(The pigeon “Jaunty Jack” had been innocently pecking awat at some willet in his loft when this jack russet came from next doot and salvaged him in the bottom
tier of the loft, leaving him witH a bad back. Lookily it did not prove natal and he is now on the bend.
wee will be having a new resident in October and then next yeer a new VICE resident. Pleese ensure that you attend the meeetings as we will bee holding an erection in Febroorary.
I will bee taking a rest now for a bit. But my nephew kevinn Holt is about to embalm on a gorilla charity treck. See his latest progres on http://www.thecampinggorilla.blogspot.com/
I will be chairing the reunion dinner in august in blacpool for details and other tings see http://www.cumberlandbarbenidorm.com/
kinD Regards THe COncert Chairman “**%

Presentation Night 2008/09 Season

Last Thursday night´s annual prize giving evening was a huge success, our function room was full to capacity, Yvonne did a cracking job with the buffet, and his royal highness the Prince Of Wales kindly agreed to stand in for Syd little to hand out the trophies when Syd suddenly realized he was seriously ill. The Prince was on his way down to Marbella for a Polo match and had popped in for a livener and a game of snooker after his driver had taken badly with the “Two Bob Bits”. I reminded the Prince that this was actually the second time we had met, the first when he had opened a new disabled toilet at an engineering firm where I worked in the early seventies. On that occasion I had presented him with the scissors for him to cut the ribbon from around the ballcock, and he swore and then dropped them, - not surprising really as we had heated em up two minutes before with a blow torch.
It was a bit embarrassing really as we didn´t actually have any disabled employees at that time (we tested pogo sticks for the toy firm “Chad valley”), and when Charles insisted on seeing the facility in operation our foreman Charlie Pickering had to pretend to only have one arm, which meant that when he sat on the pot he couldn´t reach the toilet paper. I was delighted when the Prince remembered this and told him of our plight with the presentation night. He said he would be delighted to help out, just as long as I took him for a game of Bowls later.
Although many of our members were hugely disappointed that Mr. Little couldn´t attend, they were grateful that Charles took the trouble to step in, even though they didn´t recognise him.
Trophies were handed to the members of our Dominoes team who reached the play-offs by finishing in 8th position. Their plight was helped somewhat by the bottom 2 of the 10 teams in the league dropping out pending an inquiry into match fixing allegations. Also, hats off to our ladies football team who collected the bronze medal in the “St. Miguel Tri-Team Challenge”. Other notable achievements were the winner of “Guess how many pork pies we sell on Friday night” competition which was won by Bob Wickes (The Butcher), and Harry Snodgrass who won “The Worst Dressed Snooker Player Of The Year” when he played against the “Spread Eagle” B team wearing a vest and a bald cardigan.

www.benidormclassbceleb.blogspot.com

www.kevinholt.net

We had our inaugural coffee morning up the allotment last Tuesday – well, we didn´t have coffee exactly, not me and Charlie Barrett at any rate, and it wasn´t in the morning either but it was a good turnout nevertheless. Charlie who is famous for his home brewed beer very kindly brought along some of his very own “Credit Crunch Dark Mild” for us to try (Lidl´s own brand) and I brought some of Elsie´s Parkin Pigs (leftover from bonfire night). Our chairman Alf Cattermole addressed the meeting from the top of his compost heap and told of how there had been some serious vandalism over on his plot. Some lettuce seeds had been left strewn across the floor of his potting shed and when he had complained to the bloke on the next plot, he was verbally abused and attacked with a slug pellet. We had previously decided on constructing a life size scarecrow as we have had problems with local cats digging up radishes and distributing them amongst their friends. When it was pointed out that cats aren´t generally scared of human beings, Ron Chivers suggested that we make the scarecrow more mean looking by giving it a beard and attaching a toy gun to its hand. This was agreed upon, but then proved impractical. We didn´t have much raw material from which to construct the thing, and had to make use of some of the recreational gear from our sheds, however, with a bit of imagination and help from an old 1978 “Why Don´t You...” annual, I think it´s far to say we made a decent fist of it. Well done everybody!